We often tag adult milestone birthdays, with a phrase. ‘Flirty thirty’, ‘dirty thirty’ ‘naughty forty’, ‘nifty fifty’…

You may have read an old blog of mine, where I named my thirties, the Hurty Thirties. Because, quite frankly, I did not feel flirty, nor did I feel dirty!!

This year, I turn forty. I feel less daunted than I did when I turned thirty. My twenties were completely different to my thirties. But the jump from thirty to forty, sees many similarities.

I am much more comfortable with this number and in fact, I am celebrating as much as I can! I’ve booked on to as many teeny bopper reunions and concerts, as I can. I refer to almost every goal, as a ‘good thing to do before I am forty’ (not so sure that signing up for the Yorkshire Three Peaks has hit me yet!) and I have planned a number of holidays abroad for the year.

I guess you could say that ‘life begins at forty’! But I don’t feel that this phrase completely fits where I am right now… I need to find another.

Wise Words

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine made a comment that really stuck with me. And, more and more, I am understanding her theory.

We were having a conversation about an unpopular decision she had made at work. When asked if she was OK, she replied,

“If I were in my twenties, even my thirties, this would really affect me. I wanted everyone to like me, I was a people pleaser. But now, I’m in my forties, I’m very comfortable with who I am. I made the right decision for the business, so I just think if they don’t like what I do, if they don’t like me, then f*ck ‘em, because I’ve done a bloody good job”.

To which she threw two fingers in air and giggled. We all giggled, and it was a very empowering moment. She is a wonderful human, with a huge heart and to hear her say this, felt quite out of character. But she meant no malice. She was protecting her emotions and building her own confidence and we all knew that. Good for her.

Trolls will be Trolls

Only too often now, we see negativity. In the workplace, on social media, in relationships and more! I’ve experienced it, most people have.

My friends and family will know that I can be a tough cookie and am not afraid to speak my mind – if you don’t want honesty – stay away from me, ha ha. But I am not nasty with it.

Some people however, are judgemental, dishonest and just plain mean. There was a time when I would want to please even these people. I would worry about what they thought and I would feel embarrassed if they did not approve of my actions.

A couple of years ago, I would not have dreamed of writing a blog, let alone having a YouTube channel and exposing myself to the world. But now I do both, without fear.

The Power of “NO”

In the 2008 movie, Yes Man, we saw Jim Carrey making a change in his life, by saying yes more. This was fantastic for him and brought him much happiness.

The thing is, I have always been in the yes camp. I like to socialise; I like to do well in my career and I like to spend time with family and stimulating the minds of my babies. So, saying yes comes naturally to me.

Going self-employed is a scary thing. Work does not just happen; you need to find it and keep it. For the last year I have found myself saying yes to everything.

“Attend an event that I have nothing to do with because I might meet one person that will remember my name? Yep, I’ll be there!”

“Take on a new project when I actually do not have time to, but I am scared to turn you down in case you forget about me next time? Yes, I’m in!!”

The original idea of becoming part-time and focusing on me, my family and life, has become working more than full time and still trying to squeeze in my own new things, so that I actually feel like I have made it!

I know that this must stop. For my own and for my families’ sake, it needs to end.

A Phrase That Fits

So, back to the ‘phrase’ that represents turning forty. I choose ‘F*ck It Forties’.

If I want to do something that others may frown upon. ‘F’ it. If it will make me happy, I will do it.

If a business contact is putting me under pressure to commit to something, when I know I can’t. ‘F’ it. If my reputation is valued, they will remember me.

So, there you have it, I am entering the F*ck it Forties! Who’s with me?