Welcome to my world!

Bapa’s Diary, is a blog that I created in memory of my late father, who I lost suddenly on 30^th December 2017.  The word Bapa means Grandfather, which is what I have referred to my Dad as, for the last 8 years, with my children.

This is not a grief blog, quite the opposite.  This blog celebrates life (mainly my own) and all of the ups and downs that come with it.  However, there may be times, like today, when I will talk about my wonderful Dad.

My Dad, Taz, was a unique man and through over 20 years of illnesses, he lost his sight, mobility and then his speech.  Communicating with my Dad was something that was always electronically based.  Dad would use a computer to speak to us face to face and would prefer receiving text messages and emails from us, rather than phone calls, as he could get his phone/computer to read them aloud and answer back at a pace that suited him.

With me living 5 hours away from Dad, text messages and emails were the norm and Dad became somewhat of a pen pal!  We even started a vlog, so he would feel closer to us all and feel part of the children’s lives as they grew up.

I would keep Dad updated on what we were doing, he especially enjoyed updates on my two children, Eva & Diego, who he adored.  He would always ask what new craze they were into and of course, what toys they liked, as he would collect a mountain of gifts for each time we visited!  We would try to get there once every few months and it was actually a trip we all looked forward to, like a mini holiday.

Dad was the only person in my life that I would ask for advice and I knew that if he did not have the right answer, he would ‘know a man that can’!

I was a Daddy’s girl, always had been and I secretly loved how he was wrapped around my little finger, as most doting Father’s are.  Yes, I was a tiny bit rebellious as a teen and wish that I had been kinder, but as teenagers go, I was pretty good!  As I got older, I certainly appreciated everything Dad had done for me and I was committed to Dad and contributing to his happiness.

Dad offered me protection, in a way that nobody else did.  I have always been a very independent person that would accept help from no-one, except Dad.  He was my go to man, for everything.  Whether it was advice, to complain or even on occasion for a loan, it was only ever Dad.

Losing a parent is never easy and I am so grateful that I had my Dad in my life for 37 years, as some are not so lucky.  But there is so much more that comes with that loss.  It is different for everyone, for me it was a whirlwind of responsibility, organisation, legalities and paperwork, all of which, I was not prepared for and it required a skillset that does not come naturally to me.  I previously would have asked Dad for help with these types of things!

As the months have passed, I have realised more and more, that I did not just lose a loved one.  I lost my advisor, my shoulder to cry on, my friend, the list goes on, but I also lost my pen pal.

Initially, I continued to text my Dad, on his mobile, as I would have done before.  But I realised that this could not go on forever.  I needed to find a way to share my thoughts, as I would have done with my Dad, as it did help me, and that was when I turned to blogging.

So this for me, is the start of my journey.  My journey of blogging, my journey of independence and my journey without Dad, I hope that you will share it with me without judgement, but with plenty of interaction, support, advice and your own stories, as that that is something I am craving.

Thank you for reading